The past few days have been really rough for me. Yesterday, as I was cleaning up my kitchen, I found myself not being grateful that I was able to get it clean, but rather my mind was filled with thoughts of how awful I was that I only clean up as often as I do. I compared myself to others who I perceive to be able to keep their houses clean...and the mental abuse on myself kept going and going. I ended up sweeping my kitchen floor in tears, praying for help.
Randy and I had a gift certificate from Christmas to Olive Garden, and I desperately needed a break from life and from motherhood, so our always willing neighbors watched the girls while we went and ate. That helped.
Last night before going to bed, I prayed again that I could read something that would help me. After reading several articles in the January 2009 Ensign, I flipped to one on bipolar disorder. Although I don't struggle from this, the article (written by someone who did), said some simple and true, yet profound things.
"The gospel teaches us about perfection and the joy that comes with it, but some of us expect perfection of ourselves instead of seeking to be perfected in Christ...
"Believing that we should achieve perfection on our own, some of us fill our lives with crippling guilt and an unforgiving attitude toward our inevitable human weakness. We limit our potential for growth through a faithless, unreasonable approach to life. A better approach is to channel our weakness so that instead of filling us with self-loathing, it helps us to find humility and strengthen our faith in the Savior. In partnership with Him, we can overcome our weakness as well as our sins. True humility will help us understand our worth despite...human frailty. It engenders confidence and a realization of the potential each of us has for good."
My struggles are not over, but this, too, helped.
15 comments:
I loved that article in the Ensign. I too have dealt with feelings of trying to be perfect & not measuring up. I think Satan's greatest tool is using us against ourselves with feelings of unworthiness, depression, & etc.I constantly have to remind myself that all we can do is our best & that is good enough. I hope that things get better & if you need someone to talk about it don't hesitate to call. Nancy
Boy, is that something we all need. Thank you so much for posting such inspiration.
So true Keri! I often don't feel like I am good enough or don't keep my house clean enough! The Lord loves us just the way are and for me sometimes all I need is a little extra love!
Hope things get better
I read this one just yesterday and really enjoyed it! I really got to thinking about that part you wrote too! But Keri you truly amaze me...I know I don't see you everyday, but believe it or I can feel your spirit! I love it and you! Thanks for sharing!
If it's any comfort, you're not the only one who struggles with those feelings. I hope you feel better. I really like the excerpt you posted- something I needed to read too.
I've realized that motherhood is a big guilt trip...I'm like you, I'm always comparing my house to others and wishing that I were better. I think we all get discouraged at times it's only human nature. I really enjoyed your thoughts though...thank you!
thanks for posting that. It seems like whenever I start to compare, my problems begin! So, thanks for sharing, I needed to hear that. Glad you and Randy got to go out for dinner.
Thanks for sharing. I hope you're feeling better.
Wow did I need to hear that Keri! I constantly struggle with a quest for perfection or at least what I think is perfection. I am so grateful for reminders that we need to live in the here and now and be thankful for our blessings!
Just remember Keri, you've got a lot of people who love you for YOU. Not for how you keep your house. You are so awesome all around and I really hope you truly know how much we all love you. Love you girl!
Honestly, I think there are few people who don't feel that way at least sometimes if not most of the time. President Uchtdorf gave a talk at the general RS conference called Happiness, Your Heritage which always makes me feel better when I read it.
Wow! Just last night I was crying in bed to Nathan, telling him that I feel like a failure as a wife and mother. He tried to assure me that he didn't think that. "I know that YOU don't think I'm a failure. I'm a failure to myself!" As if that made any sense. I really pity my husband for being stuck with crazy, irrational me, and our daughter who is sure to be just as emotional. What was I so upset about? I had dusted and cleaned the living room, put the pictures back on the walls from where the Christmas decorations had been, done several loads of laundry, vacuumed out the space behind my desk, cleaned a lot of the office, and loaded and run the dishwasher BUT! I was upset because the pots and pans weren't clean and some things in the office were still messy. Yes, I am insane. Thank you for helping us to focus on the positive!
Thanks for the reminder Keri I really needed that! I am always putting myself down and I know I shouldnt....sigh. Anyway if it makes you feel better just know that right now my kitchen sink is not only full but overflowing! And no that isnt a rare thing, it happens all the time, lol.
I enjoyed reading your comments on the article. It is something that I constantly have to remind myself of. I am not perfect and I need to be happy with who I am and not compare myself with others. I also read the article in the Ensign and loved it. I hope you have a super week. Just do your best and don't worry about what you didn't get done. I need to remind myself of that this week. You have a beautiful family. I enjoyed watching the video you posted where Jenna opened the door. I enjoy reading your blog.
If you ever need to feel better about keeping your house clean, come to my house. One time we were at Todd's parent's house with some of their neighbors and I was talking with the lady about cleaning house (I am the world's WORST housekeeper) and she said she decided life was too short to have her house spotless and people come to her house to see her, not her house. A few months later, she died. I think it's more important to spend time with your kids than having a spotless house.
By the way, I don't know if you saw but I said thank you so much for your sweet comment on my blog. You are so nice.
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